I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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