god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
