There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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