remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
