i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
