this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
