I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
