I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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