so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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