somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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