we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
