i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
