they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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