Plan B is the new Plan A
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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