I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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