Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
