I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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