My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
