Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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