i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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