Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm having to shit out rocks
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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