I'm jealous of your bromance
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
