are you so shy because you have an std?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
