I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
