I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
