I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
