You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
