the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
