He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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