Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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