We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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