Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
