whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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