The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
