Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
