Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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