just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
