Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
