I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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