So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
