margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
