I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
