Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
