I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I am morally bankrupt
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
