i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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