I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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