Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
