you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We need a shit load of segways right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
