I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
