fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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